Last night Ryan and I were talking with his mom and step dad about our financial situation. There are some things that we talked about that opened my eyes to possibilities but also many hardships. Part of the reason why I am scared is because we cannot pay all our bills with my income alone. Plain and simple. Ryan cannot find a job in this small town, or in nearby towns. He has legitimately looked and applied to what he has found. Businesses don’t seem to want him, they hire from within.

Their suggestion is that he get a job in the Sacramento or San Francisco area and just come home on the weekends. I think that those are good suggestions but terrible ideas. I did the “single parent” routine for a year already with just one child, there is no way on earth that I would be able to do it with two! Gobby has already missed an important part of his life with Ryan living in Reno, I cannot handle him leaving again. Working full time, going to school full time, having two little ones, and a husband that is gone- everything would fall apart.

While Ryan was gone and I was living on my own. I made the same amount of money I make now- half of my paycheck went to babysitters (I was even being very stingy by paying $5 an hour because that is all I could afford without starting to dig into food money). 

You would think, “Why don’t you just stop working, and you wouldn’t have to work to pay babysitters?” Well, since I was paying them for hours that I was in class, that doesn’t quite work. “Then why don’t you quit school?”- Oh, because my job is a student job and so if I’m not a student, by by job AND housing because I have married student housing.  

It would be hard living in Reno with the boys because $32,000 a year is not a lot of money and yes it does seem like a lot right now but it isn’t. We would have to figure out moving costs, and hookup costs, and also moving out expenses (our landlord is not very nice when it comes to moving out because he charges you for every little thing-topic for another post). Even though the initial cost would deplete our savings dramatically and would be tight, Ryan would be able to get a job almost right off the bat because there are actual companies in Reno. There are businesses that hire people other than college students. When he went to Reno the first time he got a job in four days!! Four Days!! 

I would think that we are doing this the safest way possible at this point in time- we are staying here for right now because it does not make sense to move to Reno with both of us unemployed. If Ryan were to get a job close to where we are now that could 1)pay our bills and 2) pay babysitter the amount they deserve then we would stay; if I were to get the dispatcher job in Reno, we shall see what we do. Ryan seems to be the wild card here.

The reason why we came to this area was so that I could get my teaching credentials. I have almost two years left. And if I think it is hard now working full time, and going to school full time, and being a wife and mommy full time, I have another thing coming. With full time student teaching, there isn’t too much room for anything else. I wouldn’t really be able to work because my hours are from midnight (12:00 A.M.) to eight o’clock (8:00 A.M.) and from what I understand I’m supposed to be at the school half hour before school (7:30 A.M.) to half an hour after (3:30 P.M.). I cannot be in two places at once, and even if I worked it out so that I could work and do student teaching where would my family fit into my time? I can’t just ignore my children for ten weeks! I honestly think that if we stayed I would not be able to finish in two years. Not for a lack of trying, but just because I would be way to exhausted to focus on anything.

This is truly a rock and a hard place for us. No matter what we do, there are going to be consequences. :/ Makes me want to cry all the time.